Once upon a time — no, this isn’t a fairy tale, would that it were — The Arizona Republic reviewed every movie that opened in the metro Phoenix area.
And I wrote most of those reviews.
This was exciting and appealed to a sense of completion and was, as you might guess, a real pain, a herculean task that made me a better critic (doing anything a couple thousand times will make anyone better) and became, with more and more releases and me taking on some additional duties, impossible to maintain.
So if you’ve ever wondered why we didn’t review this or that movie, that’s why.
Lately, however, I’ve had a chance to catch up on some films we’ve missed, so here’s a look at three horror movies and one whose subject reportedly finds kind of scary.
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‘Longlegs’ 3 stars
It’s a twisted take on “The Silence of the Lambs,” sort of, which was a pretty twisted movie to begin with, but nowhere near as good (few movies are).
An FBI agent (Maika Monroe, who gets a free pass for life for “It Follows”) has some vague psychic ability that seems to let her find a killer, who then shoots her partner’s face off.
But it puts her on the trail of another killer, Longlegs, played with inspired lunacy by Nicolas Cage, even for him. He’s the reason to watch the movie, though Kiernan Shipka (“Chilling Adventures of Sabrina“) is pretty swell in a tiny role. More fun than good.
How to watch: Buy or rent on Prime Video.
‘Trap’ 2.5 stars
Speaking of more fun than good… Josh Hartnett has a grand old time as Cooper, a doting father who takes his daughter to see a Taylor Swift-like singer’s concert (director M. Night Shyamalan’s daughter, Saleka).
All well and good except that Cooper is also a serial killer, with his latest victim tied up in a basement, and the entire concert is a trap to catch him.
If that sounds like a spoiler, it’s not; it’s the premise of the movie. If that sounds stupid, well, it is. And so is a lot of what follows. But Hartnett never stops being entertaining to watch, and Ariel Donoghue is good as his daughter.
How to watch: Stream on Max.
‘The First Omen’ 3.5 stars
Arkasha Stevenson’s film is a lot better than I expected it to be. Then again, I expected it to be terrible and it’s not, not at all.
Set in 1971, it follows a young American novitiate named Margaret (Nell Tiger Free) who moves to Rome to take her vows. Cardinal Lawrence (Bill Nighy) has brought here there in the midst of student revolts. He has other plans in mind for Margaret, let’s say.
It’s a prequel to the 1976 film starring Gregory Peck as the unwitting father of the Antichrist. This tells us how all that came to pass, sort of.
Mostly it’s creepy images and scary goings-on leading to a one-word finale that would be more silly than chilling if it weren’t delivered by the mine-shaft-deep voice of Ralph Ineson (“The Witch”).
How to watch: Stream on Hulu.
‘Martha’ 3.5 stars
That would be Martha Stewart, the subject of R.J. Cutler’s sometimes hilarious documentary. Stewart’s ferociously guarded image of herself comes in for some mild rebukes here, courtesy mostly of what she says to Cutler in a contemporary interview. (She has said she doesn’t like the film.)
Cutler traces her life from an abusive childhood to early modeling days to breaking through in the good ol’ boys world of stockbrokers to, of course, what made her rich: being Martha Stewart.
Through highs (she became a billionaire) and lows (prison time for insider trading; don’t miss James Comey’s appearance) to highs (roasting Justin Bieber and befriending Snoop Dogg) there is one constant: Martha Stewart cannot help being Martha Stewart. For better and worse.
How to watch: Stream on Netflix.
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Reach Goodykoontz at bill.goodykoontz@arizonarepublic.com. Facebook: facebook.com/GoodyOnFilm. X: @goodyk. Subscribe to the weekly movies newsletter.
