Joanna Gumley’s Showbiz Glitz, Glam & Flehm
Well, darlings, gather round and put the kettle on, because it’s time for another round of showbiz glitz, glam and a generous dollop of flehm.
I’m Joanna Gumley, your guide to the marvellous, the maddening, the mildly ridiculous and the downright bitchin’ corners of entertainment.
This week, the BBC appears to have misplaced its purse, J.K. Rowling’s life is heading for the documentary treatment, The Traitors has a professional advantage for comedians, and one Bake Off contestant is finally spilling the custard.
We’ve also got Shakespeare in Sheffield, a bluesman with a guitar-shaped appetite, Kerry Katona on the motivational circuit and a school drama that simply refuses to graduate.
The BBC’s Budget Blues: All That Money, Nowhere to Put The Archers?
The BBC’s financial woes continue, and the latest reported difficulty is a rather extraordinary one: apparently, the corporation can’t afford to build a studio to record The Archers at its new Birmingham base. Oh, do come on, Auntie! We’re talking about one of the longest-running dramas in broadcasting history, not a school project requiring a microphone borrowed from the music department.
Here’s a radical suggestion, and do feel free to write this down on the back of an expenses claim: why not move the existing studio from the Mailbox to the Tea Factory? It’s not as though the BBC has never relocated broadcasting equipment before. ATV managed to move its kit from Alpha Television Centre to ATV Centre, so perhaps a little television history might come in handy.
And the apparent penny-pinching gets even more intriguing when you look elsewhere in the corporation. Why have four continuity announcers across the UK introducing the same programmes live? Is there a national shortage of prerecorded sentences? Surely there’s scope for a little coordination without sacrificing the personal touch.
Then there’s Strictly Come Dancing, which has somehow acquired three presenters when two would seem perfectly capable of steering the sequins through Saturday night. That’s another wage to find, presumably, in a budget that’s supposedly tighter than a pair of professional dancer’s trousers.
And BBC Scotland? Well, let’s just say the number of weather presenters appears positively lavish compared with STV’s operation.
Of course, public-service broadcasting is complicated, and moving studios or merging roles isn’t necessarily as simple as shifting a sofa. But the optics are hardly ideal. When an organisation says it must make difficult savings, viewers are entitled to ask why the cuts sometimes seem to land in the most peculiar places.
Perhaps the next BBC drama should be called The Budgeteers. Set in a boardroom, starring three presenters, four continuity announcers and a weather team large enough to forecast the climate on Jupiter. The Archers can be recorded in the car park.
J.K. Rowling: The Woman Behind the Wizard — and the Culture Wars
The Beeb has announced J.K. Rowling, a two-part documentary series from Rogan Scotland, the production company behind Becoming Frida Kahlo, The Secret of Me and Becoming Victoria Wood. It will air on BBC Two and BBC Scotland, with episodes available on iPlayer.
The timing is significant: 2026 marks 30 years since the first Harry Potter book was published. In that time, Rowling has gone from struggling single mother to one of the world’s most successful authors, creating a literary universe that transformed children’s publishing, inspired millions of readers and became a global film and merchandising phenomenon. Not bad for a woman with a manuscript and a dream — although the publishing industry probably won’t be handing out quite so many rejection letters to aspiring wizards in future.
The first episode will trace Rowling’s early life, her bookish childhood and the period spent writing in Edinburgh cafés before Harry Potter became a cultural juggernaut. The series will examine how the books brought young readers together, particularly as the internet was opening up new ways for fans to connect, and how the franchise grew into an economic powerhouse worth billions.
But this won’t be a simple fairy tale about literary success. The second episode turns to Rowling’s increasingly prominent role in public debate, including her views on Scottish independence, feminism, free speech and what a woman is. Her interventions have placed her at the centre of fierce arguments, dividing opinion among supporters who see her as a defender of women’s rights and critics who believe her position undermines a minority group. Her relationship with some of the actors and fans associated with the Harry Potter franchise has also become strained.
The documentary promises rare archive, Rowling’s own words and interviews with people who have worked with her. That should make for a fascinating examination of how an author’s public identity can grow far beyond the fictional world that first made her famous.
And that, darlings, is the heart of it. How do you separate the books millions grew up loving from the views of the woman who wrote them? What happens when a beloved cultural figure becomes a lightning rod for arguments about identity, rights and free expression? The BBC has a big subject on its hands — and it will need more than a few moving staircases to navigate it.
René Huard: A Little Blues, a Little Bite, and a Guitar That Gets Fed
Canadian blues and roots rocker René Huard has released his new single, “Tail Waggin’,” and if you’re wondering whether this is a song about a particularly enthusiastic Labrador, the answer is: sort of. It’s actually about the relationship between a travelling musician and the instrument that keeps him company on the road. Which, depending on the musician, may be the longest and most stable relationship in their life.
The track is the first taste of Huard’s forthcoming album, Gently Used, due on 5 November 2026. Its inspiration comes from a delicious piece of guitar folklore involving jazz great Wes Montgomery. According to the anecdote, when asked whether he found time to practise while touring, Montgomery supposedly replied that he simply opened his guitar case occasionally and tossed in a chunk of steak.
Now, whether the story is gospel or guitarist’s folklore, it certainly tickled Huard’s creative instincts. He describes the idea as a musical lightbulb moment, leading him to reflect on the exhausting, tedious and sometimes perilous life on the road — and the almost canine devotion musicians can have to their instruments. He even invokes B.B. King’s legendary guitar, Lucille, and the story of King rescuing her from a burning building.
There’s loyalty, there’s love, and then there’s risking third-degree burns for a guitar. Some people buy their instruments a nice case. Others would apparently run into a fire for them.
His previous album, Blues Calling, produced by Jack de Keyzer, reached the Top 20 on the Roots Music Report and spent several months at number eleven. Its single “Hard Times” found its way onto CBC Blues Radio and international podcasts and campus radio playlists.
So, if you like your blues with lived-in storytelling, a sense of humour and a guitar that apparently deserves its own dinner reservation, René Huard may be just the ticket. And remember, darlings: if you’re taking steak on tour, label the case. You don’t want the drummer eating your Lucille.
The Traitors: Why Comedians Could Be the Real Masterminds
Fancy a career change? Forget stand-up, acting lessons or becoming an influencer. According to new research, the secret to winning The Traitors may simply be having a good sense of humour — and knowing when to keep your mouth shut.
A study by SEO agency Dark Horse analysed 59 celebrity editions of The Traitors around the world, examining 1,111 contestants and comparing their professions with how far they progressed. The results suggest that comedians are particularly well suited to the castle’s toxic cocktail of suspicion, manipulation and very dramatic breakfasts.
Of the 46 comedians who have appeared in celebrity editions, 22 were still in the game when the end stage began. That makes them 1.7 times as likely as other celebrity contestants to reach that point. Although comedians account for just four per cent of players, they represent seven per cent of end-game contestants and eight per cent of winners. In other words, they’re nearly twice as likely to win as their celebrity rivals.
Perhaps it makes sense. Comedians spend their careers reading rooms, spotting weak points, charming audiences and delivering a convincing performance while everyone else wonders what on earth is going on. Those skills could be rather handy when you’re trying to convince a castle full of suspicious celebrities that you haven’t been murdering them in the night.
Five of the nine comedian winners identified by the study won as Traitors, including Alan Carr in the first UK series of The Celebrity Traitors in 2025. And in this year’s line-up, all five comedians were still playing at the time covered by the research: James Acaster as a Traitor, with Joanne McNally, Joe Lycett, Rob Beckett and Romesh Ranganathan among the Faithfuls.
Actors, meanwhile, have a less impressive record. They make up 15 per cent of celebrity contestants but only 11 per cent of those reaching the end game. Of 166 actors, just 35 made it to the finale. This year’s series started with eight actors, and four of the five departures reported in the research came from that group: Richard E. Grant, Myha’la and Julie Hesmondhalgh were banished, while Bella Ramsey was murdered.
TV and radio presenters have a similarly modest record, with 24 of 116 making it to the finale. That’s awkward news for a profession built around talking confidently to camera — although presenters Maya Jama and Hannah Fry have both been playing the game themselves this series.
There’s a delicious extra twist involving Richard E. Grant. Despite his early exit, his Instagram following reportedly grew by 230,092 after the series began, a 22 per cent rise to 1.28 million. That was the biggest increase among cast members with accounts, more than eight times the reported gain for fellow Traitor Maya Jama.
So, there you have it. Comedians are apparently the castle’s natural predators, journalists should perhaps bring a helmet, and even being murdered on television can do wonders for your social media numbers.
Shakespeare in Sheffield: Mathew Horne Gets a Night of Mischief
Sheffield Theatres has released new production images for its latest staging of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, now playing at the Crucible until Saturday 31 October 2026. And if you associate Mathew Horne primarily with Gavin Shipman from Gavin & Stacey, prepare to see him in a rather different sort of predicament.
Horne plays Malvolio in the new production, directed by Jamie Glover, whose previous work includes The Homecoming. Shakespeare’s comedy is packed with mistaken identities, romantic confusion, disguises and practical jokes — the sort of shenanigans that make a modern sitcom look positively restrained.
Malvolio is the self-important steward who becomes the target of a cruel prank, tricked into believing that his employer, Olivia, is in love with him. The result is one of Shakespeare’s most famous comic storylines, though the humour has a darker edge when the joke goes too far. It’s a role that calls for both pompous dignity and an increasingly spectacular loss of dignity. In other words, Horne should have plenty to get his teeth into.
The production features the same company of actors who recently completed a run of King Lear at the Crucible, directed by Titas Halder and featuring Ian McDiarmid, known to many as Emperor Palpatine in Star Wars. That’s quite a transition: from Shakespearean tragedy and galactic evil to romantic confusion and cross-dressing comedy.
The company includes David Birrell as Feste, James Chetwood as Sir Andrew Aguecheek, Mark Holgate as Antonio, Christopher Jordan as Priest, Valentine and Second Officer, Justina Kehinde as Olivia, Hazel Monaghan as Actor-Musician, Harry Redding as Sebastian, Max Revell as Curio, Jay Saighal as Fabian, Bebe Sanders as Viola, Sachin K Sharma as Sea Captain and First Officer, Fode Simbo as Orsino, Milo Twomey as Sir Toby Belch and Katie Wimpenny as Maria.
With mistaken identity, unrequited love and a man in yellow stockings, Twelfth Night has been delivering theatrical chaos for more than four centuries. Some things never go out of fashion — unlike those yellow stockings, which may yet cause a few raised eyebrows in the interval.
If you’re in Sheffield and fancy a dose of Shakespeare without the solemnity, this could be a particularly entertaining way to spend an evening. Just don’t fall in love with someone because of a forged letter. It rarely ends well.
D-Tension & The Secrets: From Hip-Hop to Guitar-Hero Business
Here’s a musical plot twist worthy of a particularly ambitious talent-show contestant. D-Tension, an internationally known hip-hop artist and producer, has swapped the beats for guitars and launched a rock band, D-Tension & The Secrets. Their self-titled debut album is out now, featuring nine songs led by the single “Hate To See You Go.”
The sound moves between rock, alternative rock, punk and power pop, refusing to sit obediently in one genre box. And why should it? D-Tension has spent years working with hip-hop artists including Slug of Atmosphere, Blackalicious and Mr. Lif, and most recently toured with the late DMX, Ja Rule and the late Biz Markie. He’s hardly a newcomer to the music business — just a man who decided to change the furniture around.
The story began in March 2020, when pandemic lockdown left D-Tension with an abundance of time and, thanks to what he describes as a dodgy Instagram contest, a Fender Jazzmaster guitar he didn’t know how to play. It’s not quite the traditional route to rock stardom, but then the traditional route generally doesn’t involve a questionable social-media giveaway.
The artist, who is on the autism spectrum, has described music as his superpower, and that instinct has carried him through the transition from rapper to rocker. He hasn’t simply put a distorted guitar behind a rap track and called it a day, either. The band’s sound is built around melody, hooks, harmonies, tight musicianship and storytelling.
And frankly, I rather like this story. Reinvention is all very well when a pop star changes their haircut, but picking up an instrument from scratch and building a whole new band is a different proposition. D-Tension has done just that — and the results sound as though they’re ready to turn the volume up.
Bake Off’s Custardgate: Howard Middleton Finally Spills the Tea
Oh, The Great British Bake Off. A cosy tent, charming handshakes, delicate pastries and enough British politeness to make even a failed soufflé apologise. But beneath the pastel bunting and flour-dusted smiles, there’s been the occasional moment of pure baking-bedlam. Few are remembered quite as fondly as Custardgate, the infamous incident involving former contestant Howard Middleton, his missing custard and fellow baker Deborah.
Now Howard has revisited the drama in an interview with Smooth Spins Casino, Smooth Radio’s gaming brand, revealing that the custard calamity was only the latest instalment in what he felt was an exceptionally unlucky run.
In week one, he managed to slice the end of his thumb while cutting into a passion fruit. In week two, his English muffins were left proving beneath a tea towel, only for Sue Perkins to lean against the bench during a chat without either of them realising what was underneath. By week three, Howard was apparently ready to ask the Bake Off gods for just one quiet episode.
Naturally, that was when the custard vanished.
The bakers were making trifles, and Howard had decided to attempt a crème glaze using his custard — a choice Mary Berry had praised as “the bravest of the brave”. But when he went to the fridge to retrieve it, the container was nowhere to be found.
At first, he thought he’d simply forgotten where he’d put it. Then he spotted the custard sitting on Deborah’s bench.
The transfer had been accidental, Howard explained. He wasn’t hysterical, just resigned to the feeling that this was exactly the sort of thing that would happen to him. The judges eventually had to assess the separate components of both trifles.
A culinary whodunnit, then, with no villain and a very unfortunate dairy product.
Howard also insists the producers didn’t manufacture the incident. They told contestants from the outset not to panic if they dropped something while taking it out of the oven because it would make great television. But, he says, they didn’t need to stage anything. Editing could heighten the drama, of course, including compressing lengthy baking processes into a few seconds on screen, but the basic chaos was real.
And Deborah? It sounds as though she was innocent of any custard crime. But the incident has secured its place in baking folklore regardless. Somewhere, a trifle is still trembling.
Kerry Katona Takes the Stage at Home, Life & You LIVE
Kerry Katona has been out and about at Home, Life & You LIVE at ExCeL London, where the lifestyle and wellbeing event returned to the capital on 17 and 18 October.
Katona appeared on stage to deliver an empowering, motivational talk drawing on her career and personal life. She was also pictured at the event, which brings together household brands, experts and well-known names across interiors, home organisation, lifestyle and wellbeing.
The weekend’s programme features live talks, demonstrations, interactive experiences and shopping, giving visitors the chance to pick up practical ideas as well as a bit of inspiration. International organising expert Marie Kondo is also appearing as the headline speaker — which is a rather intriguing pairing of celebrity life experience and the woman who encourages the world to keep only the possessions that spark joy.
One can only imagine the conversations backstage. Does a glittery showbiz wardrobe spark joy? What about a box of old magazine covers, an ex’s forgotten jumper or a kitchen drawer containing fourteen mysterious charging cables? Even Marie Kondo might need a lie-down.
For Katona, the event offered a platform to talk about the twists and turns of a career lived very much in the public eye. Her willingness to speak openly about personal challenges has long been part of her public profile, and motivational events give her an opportunity to turn those experiences into lessons for others.
Home, Life & You LIVE is aimed at people looking for ideas and inspiration across everyday life, from making their homes work better to improving their wellbeing. It’s a broad brief, but that’s part of the appeal: one minute you could be learning about decluttering, the next you’re shopping for a new cushion or listening to a celebrity reflect on life’s ups and downs.
And if the weekend has taught visitors anything, perhaps it’s this: you don’t need to have a perfectly organised home to have your life together. Although, if your spare room is currently full of bags you’ve been meaning to sort since 2019, Kondo may have a few thoughts.
Book of the Week: The Dependent Film Distributor — Glamour, Grit and Who Pays for the Pictures
This week’s book is for the creative types, film obsessives and sophisticated sorts who enjoy a good discussion about the business behind the big screen. Put down the popcorn for a moment, darlings, because we’re getting serious about cinema.
The Dependent Film Distributor: Entrepreneurship and Marketing in Cinema by Dr Frank Mannion is published by Palgrave Macmillan. Its central argument is a provocative one: the term “independent British film” may be something of a misnomer, because the industry is often dependent on stars, streaming platforms and public subsidies.
That’s a rather different picture from the romantic image of the fearless independent filmmaker, armed with a brilliant script, a tiny budget and an unshakeable belief in the project. The reality, Mannion argues, is that getting specialist films in front of audiences involves navigating a complex network of commercial pressures, financing arrangements and distribution strategies.
The book focuses on specialist film distribution in the UK and Ireland, exploring the role distributors play in bringing films to market. Drawing on his own experience as a film distributor, Mannion offers an insider’s perspective on the challenges of releasing specialist titles in a competitive environment.
How do distributors decide which films deserve their attention? How can a smaller release compete for audiences when cinemas are crowded and streaming platforms are constantly clamouring for attention? And what has the pandemic changed about the way films are released and marketed?
Those are among the questions explored in this detailed examination of an area that often receives less attention than directing, acting or production. After all, a film can be a work of genius, but if nobody knows it exists, its chances of becoming the next cinematic sensation are rather limited.
Unlike a straightforward industry handbook, The Dependent Film Distributor offers research-based analysis of the commercial realities facing film distributors and the entrepreneurial decisions they must make. It’s aimed at students, academics and industry professionals, but should also appeal to anyone curious about what happens after a film has been made and before it finds its audience.
So, for anyone who likes their showbiz with a side order of business strategy, this could be a rewarding read. It may not have the escapism of a romantic comedy or the thrills of a blockbuster, but it promises something arguably more revealing: a look at who holds the purse strings in the business of dreams.
And the title alone is enough to start a conversation at your next dinner party. Just try not to spend the entire evening explaining film-distribution economics to someone who only wanted to discuss Bridget Jones.
Waterloo Road Gets the Bell: Two More Series of Schoolyard Drama
Pack your bags, sharpen your pencils and brace yourselves for another round of corridors, classroom crises and staffroom shenanigans. The BBC has confirmed that Waterloo Road will return to BBC One with series 18 in January 2027 — and the school has already been given the green light for another series beyond that.
Filming for the additional series is due to begin in Greater Manchester this autumn. The news comes after the drama celebrated its twentieth anniversary in March, marking two decades since Waterloo Road first brought the chaos of school life into British living rooms.
And there’s a familiar face returning to the building. Chelsee Healey is back as Janeece Bryant, a character fans will remember from the show’s earlier years. This time, she’ll be joined by newcomer Lauren Hylton as Janeece’s on-screen daughter, Cheryl Bryant, who arrives as a new pupil at the school.
Because nothing says family bonding quite like your child attending the same school where you once caused a few headaches of your own.
The new student cast includes Leo Ashton as Liam Shaw, Callum Broome as Nathan Clark, Yousef Naseer as Ibrahim Azzi, Lewis Pemberton as Cane Morris and Keelan Wright as Marshall Clark. The school will also be welcoming a new generation of teachers, with Tashinga Bepete as Edward Connell, Cora Kirk as Leah Merchant and Mollie Winnard as Gemma Tully.
Twenty years is a long time in television, and even longer in school corridors. Hairstyles change, slang evolves, teachers come and go — but apparently there will always be someone getting into trouble, someone trying to sort it out and someone asking why they’ve been sent to the headteacher.
Final Thought
And that’s the latest from the world of showbiz glitz, glam and flehm. The Beeb is counting its pennies, Shakespeare is stirring up mischief, musicians are feeding their guitars, and The Traitors is apparently a comedian’s playground.
Meanwhile, the Bake Off tent remains a place where even a humble spoonful of custard can become national folklore.
Until next time, keep your wits sharp, your gossip delicious and your custard firmly labelled. This is Joanna Gumley, signing off — with absolutely no intention of washing up after anybody else.
