Are you noticing your middle schooler or tween talking more about the rumors she hears in school? Are you wondering how to help her navigate this landscape? The “rumor mill” consists of discussions that happen behind someone’s back, without their knowledge, and saying things you wouldn’t say if that person were present.
Kristen Hopkins, a mom of five, says, “These discussions are not only unkind, but they also damage friendships. Spreading rumors erodes trust and can ruin relationships. If you hear a friend gossiping about someone else, it’s natural to wonder, ‘What do they say about me when I’m not around?’”
She adds it all comes down to the golden rule: Treat others how you want to be treated. Nobody wants their private business discussed without their consent, especially when untruths are being shared.
Why Are Middle Schoolers Prone to Spreading Rumors?
Lauren Jasica, assistant principal at Global Ambassadors Language Academy in Cleveland, explains that middle schoolers are especially prone to spreading rumors for a few reasons.
She says that at this age, they’re trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in, and having “inside information” can feel like a way to gain attention or status. They’re also still developing their social skills, so sometimes rumors become an unhealthy outlet for frustration or conflict. While their thinking skills are growing, they don’t always recognize the long-term harm words can cause.
On top of that, Jasica adds, friendships and peer groups mean everything at this stage, so students may use rumors to strengthen certain bonds or exclude others.
“Technology only adds fuel to the fire, making it easier and faster to spread things without considering the consequences,” she says. “Because tweens are testing boundaries and exploring independence, they may spread rumors just to see what kind of influence they have.”
How to help a Child Who Has Been Targeted by Rumors
When a child is the target of rumors, Jasica says the most important step is to respond with care, consistency and clear communication. The first thing parents and educators can do is listen and give the child space to share his or her story, making sure to validate his feelings. Rumors hurt, and it’s important for students to feel understood. Reassurance is also key — reminding the child that they’re not alone and that this doesn’t define who he is can make a huge difference.
“At school, staff should calmly investigate by gathering facts and documenting what’s happening so the spread can be stopped quickly,” she says. Students responsible for spreading the rumor should then be addressed directly and held accountable, while the child who was targeted should be offered support through check-ins, safe spaces and strong peer connections. Communication with families is essential to keep everyone aligned, and children should be guided in building coping skills like confidence and knowing when to ask for help. These moments also provide an opportunity to reinforce school values like kindness, respect and digital citizenship.
How to work with a child who is spreading rumors
Working with a student who is spreading rumors requires a balance of accountability and support.
Students need to understand the damage rumors can cause and should be given clear expectations and consequences when their behavior is harmful, Jasica explains. At the same time, she also suggests that they should be offered opportunities to reflect and grow, such as through restorative conversations or time with a counselor.
She encourages parents to reinforce these lessons at home by talking about empathy, respect and the importance of honesty while encouraging their child to build friendships in healthier ways.
“The goal isn’t only to stop the rumor, but to help the student develop the social and emotional skills she needs to manage conflict and relationships more positively,” Jasica says.
How Parents Can Help Their Child Avoid Participating in Rumor Mills
Hopkins suggests being transparent with your child if you have engaged in spreading or sharing rumors by saying, “I understand the struggle. I’ve struggled with this as well.”
Help your child see that it’s a common temptation for many people, but that doesn’t make it right.
“It’s important to get to the heart of the matter and go beyond simply telling your child that gossip is wrong,” Hopkins says. “Help (them) understand that it is unkind. Taking the extra time to have this conversation, even when you’re busy or tired, is important.”
Beyond simply telling kids not to spread rumors, Jasica says it’s important to give them the tools to resist social pressure when it comes up. This means teaching them simple, confident responses they can use, like redirecting the conver-
sation or making it clear they don’t want to participate in gossip. Practicing these responses through role-play can make students feel more prepared. Encourage your child to be someone who helps stop the spread of rumors.
Hopkins suggests that kids can learn to take a pause before speaking and ask themselves, “Is what I’m saying kind or loving? Am I being a good friend right now?”
She also recommends that they be proactive and avoid being sucked into situations that look like gossip or rumors.
“If your child sees a bunch of people talking and it appears they are gossiping, encourage your child to not join in,” Hopkins says. “Another great tip is to choose friends wisely. If you know people who tend to gossip, don’t befriend them.”
She adds that although this may be hard initially, in the long run, people will see your child’s good character, which will lead to gaining the right kind of friends.
Jasica believes that creating a school and home culture that celebrates kindness and respect encourages students to make good choices. When children see their peers being recognized for positive behavior, they’re more likely to follow suit. Helping kids build self-confidence and secure friendships makes them less likely to feel pressured to spread rumors.
Encouraging them to think about how they would feel if the roles were reversed helps them build empathy. Together, these strategies equip students with the confidence and compassion to make respectful decisions, even in tough social situations.
