Seems like a small thing for most people, but important to me. Yet she is otherwise wonderful. Any ideas?
ANONYMOUS
A. I am reminded of the recent story about the woman who runs a dating app for vinyl fans.
But really, this is a question about sharing space and learning to compromise.
You could find a dream woman who loves all of your favorite bands, but maybe she also likes quiet. Perhaps she listens to NPR in the morning and blasts her favorite albums from 4 to 6 p.m. You’d have musical compatibility, but you’d still have to consider her needs as she adjusts for yours.
If you plan to spend a lot of time with another person, you’ll probably have to buy high-end headphones.
The big question, to me, is less about sharing space and more about live music. If shows are a big part of your life, you probably want someone who can join you at these events.
Is this woman open to seeing music she doesn’t know? Does she love the spirit of a live audience? Are you ready to check out her favorite bands?
Maybe there’s an act on tour this summer that represents both of your interests. Invite her and see how it goes.
MEREDITH
READERS RESPOND:
You just started seeing each other. Maybe you’re just being cautious before getting involved any further, but most people would say you need to get to know each other more before even thinking about what would happen if you move in together. I’m your age and the LAST thing I want is to move in with someone. Even if I really like him and his music! Just sayin’.
COSMOGIRL
What are you looking for? A person to listen to music with, or someone to date? How are YOU willing to compromise? If you want it to be your life, but with someone else in it doing all of your things, then good luck. If you actually want someone to date, then get ready for a person who has their own life. If you’re not willing to blend it, then don’t date, just be friends, and listen to all the music you want.
SKS04
My husband and I dislike each other’s music. He was raised by a music teacher who thought popular music was “low class,” so he pretty much only listens to jazz and classical. I was a Midwestern mall rat who started going to rock concerts at 13. Guess what? We compromise! Sometimes I go to a jazz show with him. I’ve even enjoyed some of the shows. Sometimes he joins me when I go to see Nine Inch Nails. He’s even enjoyed some of them! When we don’t want to go to shows together, we are honest with each other. At home, he listens to music in the house more than I do, so he has noise cancelling headphones. He tells me when he’s going to put them on so I know he won’t be able to hear me if I try to talk to him (like, if he’s in another room). I listen to music in the car a lot and I listen as loud as I want to because I’m alone. It’s just about asking, sharing, and compromise.
ANIKA2006
^Funny thing: I went to the jazz club Birdland in New York City a few months ago and the band called Chad LB played a jazz version of a Nine Inch Nails song!
KIDJU
Send your own relationship and dating questions to loveletters@globe.com or fill out this form. Catch new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.
